Is Jesus a Bernie Bro?

No sooner had Bernie Sanders, the United States Senator from Vermont, announced his invitation to address a Vatican conference, where the head of the holy catholic church is located, just days ahead of the increasingly important New York primary, than a controversy broke out.

Not only is the Pope a Bernie Bro, but Jesus Christ, himself has cloaked himself in partisan politics and appears to be secretly endorsing Bernie Sanders ahead of key primaries, where the majority of the voters are Christian.

Jesus has a litmus test on who is progressive enough to get into heaven

When his disciples asked him who can be saved: “Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” 25When the disciples heard this, they were very astonished and said, “Then who can be saved?” And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Under his definition, President Obama is not going to follow him to heaven, Vice President Biden, Senator Shaheen, and even the late great Senator Paul Wellstone would not fit this definition as they were considered wealthy according to Jesus.

Stoning

Jesus’ rhetoric is shows he subscribes to gender-normative ideals on women and men. Didn’t Jesus say, “ Let he who has not sinned throw the first stone?” Did Jesus imply that women are incapable of throwing stones as far as men? If a man can throw stones, so can a woman. If a man is able to stone a woman for adultery, shouldn’t a woman have the same right to stone women for adultery? If, you, disciples of Jesus come out against stoning, it is blatant sexism. You are only condemning the practice of stoning because the person who threw the first stone is a woman. This is the sexism that our female candidate has to go through on a daily basis.

This blanket condemnation on stoning, to the ears of many women of a certain age, accustomed to being deemed unqualified for roles long reserved to men, the charge had a gendered tinge.

“Bernie bro,” a term assigned to certain male Sanders fans who have taken to trolling Clinton supporters on the Internet. With the Jesus’ litmus test for heaven and his blanket condemnation of stoning, it seems as if the biggest Bernie bro of all could just be the one they call God.

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